never ending quest

i m looking for it .. here there everywhere... for ever now... but it just shows a glimpse n disappears again... n i continue with my quest.
sometime someone gets it along with them... n its gets everywhere.. u get so full of it u forget the past, the unfortunate days.. u just enjoy it in the moment... to the fullest...
but ya its momentary it ll be lost soon and u ll weep for it to come back... but it wont... u ll bleed.. to death for a slight touch of it but sorry u cant get it.
so u try another way, try to get it on your own... just be urself and enjoy being that n try finding it within urself... again a silhouette... which just vanishes into thin air..
u curse urself, for not letting it stay, for being what u r n for driving it away by ur own disgusting self, n sulk for another few days.
then u get up again, determined this time to get it ... whatever it takes... u wont come back empty handed... but ha! self confidence takes u to the bottom this time and u see someone laughing at u high above... guess that was just u only.
so finally u give up .. not that u want to ... but that u have accepted.. its not meant for u .. so plz go back n be happy with wat u have...
alas!!! but how can i be ... its the happiness i was looking for....